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The gift of a "Hell NO"

christmas high conflict Dec 07, 2020

It's Festive Season! Hurrah! Glitter and parties and joyful stuff everywhere! Family dinners and warmth and connection and Rudolph and big sweaters and perfectly iced cakes and open fires! 

But it's 2020 and thanks to Covid, a whole lot of that stuff isn't going to happen. To be honest, Christmas can just as easily feel like a season of arguments, stress, loneliness, disappointment, fear, cold and isolation. That was true, even before Covid. So if you don't love this time of year yet, don't beat yourself up about it - plenty of people have had sucky festive seasons in their pasts, and managed to enjoy them again. Whether any of us really get that Christmas Card holiday season experience is open to debate. But you CAN definitely have a festive season on your own terms that brings you and your children a whole lot of fun and connection - no matter what that looks like for you. 

Over the next 12 days I'll be blogging every day with a little bit of festive food for thought to help you make the most of your time with your family (and your time alone!) as a single parent. I hope it lifts you and let's you know you're totally normal! If you'd like to chat with me about anything I post here in more detail, hop on over to my FREE community for women who parent alone, The Cluster Mothers Hangout and come say hi. 

If you're a newly separated parent at Christmas, there's a whole lot that may not feel normal yet. Things like...

  • Working out how to budget for a big celebration day on a single income. 
  • Thinking about how to rework family 'traditions' when the festive period is anything but traditional this year. 
  • Trying to negotiate the whole of your December calendar to make sure you are covered for childcare, and also get to celebrate special days with your children and family too. 

With a high-conflict or abusive ex, there might also be criticism, negativity, manipulation, expectation and general f*ckery to contend with. Fun times! 

It's enough to make you think the whole season is bound to be joyless! 

NOT SO, MAMA. Joy is yours for the taking. 

Here's how I do it... On the first day of Christmas my true love (that's me BTW) gave to me... 

One big HELL NO. Tied up with a bow!

Yep. I start my festive season thinking about all the things I am going to say "NO" to first of all. Because my No makes space for my YES, and a good strong "No" is the birthplace of all Badass Boundaries. Boundaries make my world go round, I think they will make your world a whole heap better too. So let's kick off this Christmas season right, with the gift of saying "No" to all the things you don't want to do. 

Your "No" has power, magic and boldness in it Mama.

Use it with confidence, use it often, use it without apologising for it. "No" is a complete sentence all by itself! 



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