To the woman who is wondering where to begin… I’m holding out my hand to you. Becoming a single Mum hurts.
This is my story.
At the age of 39 I found myself a single parent to my beautiful four-year-old girl. I was feeling angry, disappointed and scared – wondering where my life had ended up.
Although my break up from her father had left me feeling excited about the new chapter I was about to begin, I was also feeling lost. I didn’t know how to make my life my own again.
After nearly eight years in a relationship that drained me, did not fulfil me, support me or help me grow, I was not living the best version of myself. I found myself as a new lone parent with a smaller support network, unemployed and miles from the place I had grown up. I found myself with no parents or family nearby to help me.
I was daunted but determined to turn our lives around.
Shortly after splitting from my partner, I was given a copy of ‘I am the Parent Who Stayed’ and felt inspired. It was an intense and difficult time, filled with conflict, disappointment and fear. I needed to pick myself up and find a way forward despite all the mess and animosity that was dragging me down.
So when I discovered the Family Vision group program was available online. I knew this was the opportunity I had been looking for.
This was the way I could focus on building my Vision for the future of my family. I didn’t need anything special to begin, only a computer and a promise to myself that I would show up. The fact that I could join the group from my own living room, with my baby in bed upstairs made it so easy to be part of the Family Vision tribe.
When I look back on what happened over those three months, it’s hard to explain how far we’ve come.
I’ve made huge steps to better myself and improve our family life.
I know I have only just begun, but the confidence I have now has been born out of becoming willing to look hard at the darker side of my life. To face my worries, fears and limiting beliefs and overcome them has been amazing.
Today I am deliberately moving forwards professionally and personally, letting go of stressful expectations, layers of anger, old resentments and even patterns in my own behaviour that were holding me back.
I’ve achieved all of this while also experiencing amazing support from the other ladies in my group, making a bunch of new friends who understand me. I feel comfortable and trust the people who took the journey with me.
I’m putting less pressure on myself to meet other people’s expectations. As a result, I feel like a truer version of myself.
In the 90 days I was part of the Family Vision program I discovered new goals and aspirations for myself professionally and personally. And since it ended, I’m already moving with determination towards those goals, I’ve signed up for a professional course and am applying for new jobs now my daughter is in school. Things that used to fill me with dread and feel like burdens, now feel exciting and energising instead.
I think most importantly of all though, is what I learned about how to set and hold healthier boundaries. This will stay with me and over time, I can see it will transform my relationship with my daughters father, bringing us all a more peaceful and positive future.
I’ve been able to let go of my grief about the end of our relationship.
To fully accept and allow myself to feel all my sadness about what it could have been. Since processing my grief, I have finally been able to accept that my decision to leave was the right one. I have found peace with ending the unhealthy and damaging home life my daughter was growing up in.
So, I chose to tell my story here in Nina’s blog because if there’s a chance it helps someone just like me to decide to reach out, I want her to know that it’s worth taking the risk.
If you don’t know where to start and you’re afraid of moving forwards alone, you’ll find a group of ladies who are ready to be your cheerleaders and future friends. Nina is a compass and a guide. She won’t tell you where to go but will help you set a new course.
I found Family Vision supportive, amazing, inspiring, and confidence building.
It was emotional at times too! With the occasional glass of wine and a journal in my hand, I’ve turned my life around and so can you. So if this is a postcard from the future, and you’re wondering what yours might look like on the other side of Family Vision… then I want you to know that it’s coming from a very happy place.
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