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Lone Parenting in the Pandemic: Week 12. #Rest and #Unrest

Uncategorized Jun 07, 2020

 I have started this blog many times this week, and stopped because I do not have the words to adequately respond to the injustices and inequalities of our world. I know I do not understand the experiences of my Black and Brown sisters, I have far more to learn that I can possibly have to say.

I stand with you, in every way my heart can - and every way my business can support you, I will. 

To all wonderful Mothers of Colour, I know I do not have the words to speak for you, or indeed for any group of people other than mothers who are parenting alone.

So it is simply to mothers who are parenting alone today I am going to speak. 

To all mothers who are continuing to parent through this tumultuous time without school, childcare, a workplace, the community of friends or family you usually lean into, or any of the services or entertainments your family usually get to enjoy, I'd like to offer a hand to hold.

I want to speak to you if you are feeling...

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Lone Parenting in the Pandemic: Week 11. #Reflections

Uncategorized May 29, 2020

This is what early lockdown looked like for us (picture shared with permission). 

My older children only saw their father through the living room window for the first two months of lockdown. He visited them despite not being able to come in, brought them gifts to cheer them up and on one occasion ordered a takeaway for us all. 

The kids and I ate at the dinner table and he had his outside the house, so that we could have ‘dinner together’ via video call. He’s been present, consistent and shown up and loved our boys, while staying within the boundaries of lockdown rules.

Every family has had to make their own decisions about how to move children between homes at this time. I’ve supported many mums to figure out the family law guidelines and apply them to their own formal or informal arrangements.

Every parent I have spoken to has wanted to keep their children and loved ones safe. Every parent has wanted to see their child. Not every parent has...

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Lone Parenting in the Pandemic: Week 10 #Tired

Uncategorized May 22, 2020

 

In two days time I will have been in lockdown with my three boys, aged 9, 7 and 2 for 10 weeks. Our lockdown life began back on March 15, when we developed Covid-19 symptoms and started to self-isolate. 

I remember how long 14 days alone sounded at that time. We made a cute little post-it note panel with 14 stickers to cross out til we would be 'done'. I had a kind of naive optimism at that point that feels very far away today. 

By the time we were done with being sick (three of us having full Covid-19 illness, followed by my own secondary chest infection then my toddler’s secondary croup infection) we were at home, fully isolated for 42 days. 

42 days. 

100% responsible for three boys and myself. 

Sick. 

Alone. 

The hammering my mental health took in the final week of that stretch is something I hope never, ever to revisit. I was exhausted, lonely, in abject despair if I’m totally honest. I cried, and I cried and I cried. ...

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Officially #AwardWinning!

my story Jul 15, 2019

About ten days ago I was Highly Commended in a National Business Awards ceremony. My category, 'Established Star' was for Mums in business for more than 4 years who have made a significant impact and who are successfully bringing their magic into the world. 

It's amazing! I am humbled, proud, emotional. I feel incredibly moved that my journey from brand new single Mum, with just determination and an idea about how to support my own kids, has grown into an international movement. I'm helping to change the conversation about parenting alone with #IamTheParentWhoStayed What an achievement! What a ride... What a buzz!

So... here's the rub. I'm also struggling to claim it. 

This is something that I want to share with you about success and progress because it's part of #mystory and I bet if you are a woman with lived experiences like mine, it could be part of your story too. 

Claiming our greatness is hard. It's hard to take up space, to step onto the stage...

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Joanna's story: Family Vision, her personal journey.

Uncategorized May 13, 2019

 

I caught up with my client Joanna to ask her just how having Family Vision Coaching when she became a single mother really helped. This is our interview, and her story in full:

Tell me about life when we met, what was happening for you then?

“In 2017, I had left my marriage, and moved out of the former marital home with my kids. We were all struggling emotionally to be honest, with anxiety issues and confidence issues.

The relationship I left with their father was emotionally abusive. So I didn’t have a lot of confidence in myself when we left, I was just surviving you know? Muddling through, focusing on dealing with the next thing, and then the next thing, right in front of me. You could say I was in a firefighting headspace."

What was important to you at the start of your single parenting journey?

"At that point in my life, I was trying to find out who I was now that I was out of my toxic relationship. I had been deeply affected by the state of my marriage and...

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Family Vision: Chloe's story, slowing down for a gentle fresh start

Family Vision has been a key turning point, and honestly life changing for me and my daughter. I understand more about myself than I ever have done in the past. The impact of this has been incredible!

Family Vision has helped me to leave my past where it belongs.

Alongside that, I have learned how to proactively step into a future that I want for my family. The whole journey I went on with my group and the connections I made with other mothers have been truly positive experiences for me.

When I found Nina’s book and realised there was a course I could join my daughter and I were just starting out on our own. We were two months into living in our own home and had spent six months apart from her father.

Ending my relationship with her father had been difficult; financial support and contact arrangements were all up in the air. I felt stuck and honestly there was an undercurrent of fear in how I was feeling about what all this meant for me and the rest of my life.

I was looking...

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Family Vision: My story, Katarina. Lone Mother to three, entrepreneur.

Uncategorized Feb 12, 2019

 

My journey to parenting alone was a slow process. After a long period of feeling stuck, unhappy and unfulfilled, I ended my 19 year relationship. I felt we had become dysfunctional as a couple, and could no longer work as a healthy family together. To cope with the shift to being a single Mum, I became completely absorbed in self care practices.

Self-care really helped me to cope with the stresses that accompanied the changes at home. Still, like anyone navigating such a big change, I had good days and bad days. There were days it felt wonderful. And others days I questioned what on earth I was doing, how would I cope longer term, had I fucked up my kids? How was I going support us… those days felt scary and overwhelming. 

My decision to join Family Vision came after I had been parenting alone for two and half years. I was ready to leave the past behind me and turn my attention fully towards building a bright future for me and my kids. I like Nina’s no BS...

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Family Vision: My story, Amanda. Moving on as a Powerful Lone Parent to one daughter aged 4.

Uncategorized Oct 29, 2018

 

To the woman who is wondering where to begin… I’m holding out my hand to you. Becoming a single Mum hurts.

This is my story.

At the age of 39 I found myself a single parent to my beautiful four-year-old girl. I was feeling angry, disappointed and scared – wondering where my life had ended up.

Although my break up from her father had left me feeling excited about the new chapter I was about to begin, I was also feeling lost. I didn’t know how to make my life my own again.

After nearly eight years in a relationship that drained me, did not fulfil me, support me or help me grow, I was not living the best version of myself. I found myself as a new lone parent with a smaller support network, unemployed and miles from the place I had grown up. I found myself with no parents or family nearby to help me.

I was daunted but determined to turn our lives around.

Shortly after splitting from my partner, I was given a copy of ‘I am the Parent Who...

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Family Vision: My story, Vivienne. Domestic Abuse survivor, Powerful Lone Parent to 4 under 10.

I have been on the Family Vision journey with Nina twice, once in a group and once with her one to one. 

At the end of the second ten week program, when she asked me what my “takeaways” were from our time working together, I broke down.

I explained I could not possibly put it in words. My tears were ones of overwhelming joy. We hugged and said goodbye. I knew I needed to share my story so others too could benefit and now I have the chance.

To give some context, I came to the group program after leaving my abusive husband, when all my children were very young. The decline into an abusive relationship had been very quick, thank god the physical violence only lasted two years, but the scars ran deep.

I knew I was a shadow of myself after my marriage ended and looked for help.

To say that Family Vision was life changing would be an understatement. At a time of tremendous change and challenge I learned how to lead my family again, in the company of other women who were...

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Breaking the Cycle: What I learned from the first time I stayed

Last week a client asked me the question so many victims of domestic abuse want to know the answer to - “This has already happened to me once. How do I stop it from happening again?”
 
I remember wanting to know the answer to that myself, when I clawed my way back from the devastation of a psychologically, emotionally, sexually and financially abusive relationship. How could I spot a guy like that coming next time? How could I learn about the red flags of an abuser so I wouldn’t be blindsided again?
 
What do I need to know to keep myself safe?
 
This article is my answer to her.
 
This is the story of the first time I stayed, and how what I learned from that experience has taught me how to leave.
 
I learned something incredibly powerful about the patterns of relationships that become abusive, and it isn’t about the patterns of abusive men.
 
Time after time I meet women who stay with abusive partners, and together we confront...
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