Ok, let’s be honest, when did you last tell the story of your life and think wow – what a ride! I’ve done amazing things, I am grateful for all my experiences, there’s nothing I would go back and change. Bring on whatever today has in store for me, because I’m SO ready for the next adventure!
No? This blog is for you.
When the story of your life includes family breakdown, conflict and loss, telling the world about it can feel less than awesome. Nevertheless the story gets told over and over again. It runs through your head every time someone asks about your child’s other parent. It scrolls past your minds eye each time you face a parenting challenge as a one-woman-band. It sits next to you at parents evening, school plays, family day trips. You hear that story in every empty chair you are oh-so conscious of.
Often, that story comes rushing out of your mouth too. Told it to your divorce lawyer? Family and friends? Had it out with your ex a few too many times? Did you mention it to that guy you tried to date when you decided to ‘move on’?
Have you told it so often that you hardly hear what you’re saying anymore?
Every time you tell your story and it feels bad, you’re playing a re-run of the experiences you had that sucked.
It can be devastating to become a one-parent family. Totally disorienting. A real rug-pulled-from-under-my-feet kind of moment. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. If you are stuck in the murky waters of resentment, hopelessness, overwhelm and frustration – wondering when the recovery stage is supposed to kick in – you’re not alone.
The crazy thing is, even if you actively chose to leave your relationship and jump into parenting alone, you may still feel this way. And when you feel like this it’s like applying an Insta filter over your whole life. Not one of the good ones, that bathes everything in sunshine, one of the bad ones that cast shadows where there shouldn’t be any and sucks out all the colour.
Nobody wants to live a greyscale life.
You can step into a brighter and more colourful reality right now, just by putting a new filter over that story of your life. Maybe you don’t feel like picking a rose tinted one just yet, that’s ok. But how about just putting a little soft focus on the hard bits? Smooth out the edges and stop talking about what went so badly wrong. Start telling your story by drawing out the things that are going right.
What are your strengths?
What have you learned?
What have you gained?
What are you proud of?
What do you have now that you would have missed out on, if life had stayed the same?